Super Silly Salutations: August 2015

I was doing fine. I was getting to work on time. I was trying to go to bed on time so I could get a full 8 hours of sleep. Yes, my room has been getting a little messy. But that is not new. Moving from an apartment back to one room is too small.

And then yesterday I woke up and immediately knew I should not go to work. So I called in sick. And was admonished by my supervisor. We need all hands on deck at this time of year and blah blah blah. Well, yeah. But guess what? I don't do squat while I'm there. You won't miss me for one day. And then Mom came into my room, because she saw my car outside, and lectured me about not going to work. Because I need the money if I ever want to move out again. Yeah. You don't think I know that!? Why do you think I'm having a mental breakdown.

(Apparently, I'm not back to full chipperness because this still pisses me off. Although I'm not randomly crying so that's good.)

Anyways, I slept until around 1pm. And then didn't want to be at home, even though I have a lot to do at home. I went to the library around 2:30pm and was there until about 6:30pm trying to study my finance homework. After a few hours I just gave up and played games on my laptop. I went and got dinner and then went home. At home I folded some clean laundry and did a load of sheets and blankets. During this time I was randomly crying. It was so annoying. I don't why I was crying I just was. I went to bed around 9pm after I had switched my sheets over to the dryer.

So yeah, my anxiety got the better of me yesterday.

Lately I haven't wanted to do much. I'm overwhelmed by the littlest things. Work is a struggle to get through most days. When I finally get home I just want to curl up on the couch with a good book or sew and do nothing. But I have to help make dinner, do the dishes, spend time with the family, and sleep. I have no time in the evenings to do what relaxes me. No time to do what I want. At least that's how I feel most days. Last month, I think, maybe two, I had a major mental breakdown at work. I went home around noon. And a few days later I was at work and it still wasn't right. So I told my manager that I was basically handing in my notice. I'm staying on until I find a different job or they find a replacement. I work 45 minutes from my house, one way. So that is 90+ minutes out of my day that I am sitting on a train or in my car. I can't do much on the train. Yes, I can read a book. I have even tried doing homework while on the train. That doesn't work to well. I take naps sometimes. But for the most part I feel like my commute is taking up too much time out of my day. I can't do laundry, clean my room, sew, run errands. If I'm being completely honest the commute isn't the only thing that made me quit my job. It's a good job. A career job if I let it. I work full-time in accounts payable at a university. I've been here for seven months, now, after working six years in a part-time cashier position at the university's athletics office. I felt like I was more appreciated at the ticket office. I got things done for my managers when they needed help. I liked talking with the customers most days. Although football season ticket time was kind of crazy sometimes. I did work part time so I was only allowed to work 20-hours per week. I took Mondays off. I worked for under $9/hour. I was happy when I got this $15/hour full-time benefited position. But I can't handle the politics of the office. I can't handle the 40-hours a week. I can't handle the commute every single day. At first I did really like it. I was inputting data and writing purchase orders. And then the semester ended and my job pretty much went into hibernating mode. Not much need for me to pay stuff because nobody is on campus. So I tried helping with the end of year budget, which is in July. And I help with the cash drawers every morning. That's pretty much it. I am away from home for 10 1/2 hours every weekday to man the A/P office and do nothing. I feel like I'm not allowed to play games or watch tv like I could when it was slow at the ticket office. I have started to do homework at work because that's when I have time. I feel like my Saturdays are full because it is the only day I can do all of my laundry, run errands, and sew for a good chunk of time. In addition to my things Mom has asked that I be in charge of making dinners on Saturdays. It's a new request and it isn't the most awesome thing because she still plans the meals.

Wait? Homework? Yes. I am taking two online classes. One is completely free. It's a personal finance course for college freshman taught by BYU. I decided to take this course because I needed to get back to the basics of personal finance. My budget is kind of nonexistent. Always has been really. So I wanted to get into the swing of creating an actual budget and tracking my spending. I'd like to save as much as I can. I want to save up for renting an apartment, going on vacations, possibly a newer car. I did start a new account at the University Credit Union that I automatically send part of my paycheck to each time. I don't see the money and I'm not tempted to spend it. But I feel like I need to save more and stop spending money on food for lunches and other things I don't really need. So that's class one. The second class I have only signed up for. It is an online class taught from the University of Utah. (Yes, I know I'm taking classes from rival schools.) This class is one I am really excited for. I signed up for it after a few days thought and decided it's one class. If I don't like it at least I'll know. The class is entitled "Change Using Positive Psychology". The class description sounds interesting: "This online course provides an overview designed to give students a taste of the positive psychology movement and how positive psychological principles can be applied to various areas of life to help individuals have greater life satisfaction and happiness." I've been thinking about taking some psychology classes for a while now. I'm starting with this. That class starts next week and goes into December. I started the finance class this past week.

So in addition to the bigger life things I have continued to read novels when I can. I joined a book club on Goodreads. August is our first month. It's a fantasy book club. Our first book was A Natural History of Dragons: A Memoir by Lady Trent by Marie Brennan. And the second book poll was just put up. We have a master list that the creator picks five or six books for the poll on what to read next.

I have also tried to find time to sew. I don't have lots of time in one sitting but I have taken an hour here and there in the evenings to cut out fabric, or sew part of a block. I got the last two blocks for my black and white BOM done. Now I'm caught up for that class on Thursday. I also sewed the very large medallion block for the Fabric Center BOM. The other day I even sewed a whole block from start to finish in a couple of hours. At this point with that quilt I have about six blocks to catch up on. I think I have colors picked out for each of them. So I really just need to sit down and cut and sew them together. I'd like to take photos of all of my blocks and update the blog with those.

So yeah. This week's plan...

Take photos of my quilt blocks that I have so far.
Clean my room. It's getting very difficult to walk.
Also with cleaning my room I'd like to turn my bed to the window and finally put on the new comforter.
I need to kind of rearrange my bookshelves so that I can put a few things I have collected on them. And I have a couple of books that are floating on my nightstand because I can't get to my bookshelves to put them away. (Did I mention my room is messy?)
Once I move my other smaller book shelves out from under the window I need to arrange my fabric on them. Yes, I'm bring my fabric horde to my room where I can see it and when I get around to using it I'll have to bring it up two flights of stairs to the sewing room. But whatever.
The bathroom needs to be cleaned as well.
I have to wash my laundry and I still have clean laundry that needs to be folded and put away. I need to wash my bedding too.
Basically I need to put my life back in order.